


by your side

by sarcastissa, SnorkleShit



Series: coffee mouths [12]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Felix is a dick, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Sexual Abuse, Roleplay, Sexual Harassment, i will single handedly make that a popular tag i s2g
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-12
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3728479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcastissa/pseuds/sarcastissa, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnorkleShit/pseuds/SnorkleShit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>wash calls tucker, tucker comes running<br/>tru love</p><p>---------------------</p><p>roleplay between destielswingsmyheartacrosstheline and myself from tumblr adapted onto here</p>
            </blockquote>





	by your side

**Author's Note:**

> "Give me love like never before,  
> 'Cause lately I've been craving more,  
> And it's been a while but I still feel the same,  
> Maybe I should let you go,
> 
> You know I'll fight my corner,  
> And that tonight I'll call ya,  
> After my blood is drowning in alcohol,  
> No, I just wanna hold ya."  
> -Ed Sheeran "Give Me Love"

Tucker hissed in pain and Church roughly pushed a hydrogen peroxide soaked cotton ball against his throbbing cheek. He was ranting a mile a minute about how pissed he was that Tex had taken the cheap shot and kicked Tucker while he was down, but really who could fucking blame her?

“Man, I don’t even know if we’ve got butterfly bandages for this,” Church sighed once he finished cleaning the cute and got a better look. It wasn’t deep enough for stitches–at least in Leonard Church’s medical opinion. It was, however, pushing it. The cut slashed across Tucker’s left cheekbone, from just under the outer corner of his eye to the middle of his cheek, so it really wasn’t very long, only about one and a half inches.

“Its alright, Church,” Tucker muttered. He knew exactly what he was doing, ignoring Tex’s calls and texts. He deserved the right hook from hell.

Wash woke up in a cold sweat, screaming. It took a moment for the nightmare to let go of its grip on him. But the phantom hands and mouths all over his body wouldn’t release him.

“Are you alright? Do you need anything?” North’s voice asked from the doorway. Washington turned his head away.

“I need to be alone.”

“No you don’t.” North replied. “ I mean, I’m not saying it would be a good idea to force my presence on you. I’m just saying that you being alone never seems to end well.” North shrugged, and then the door was shutting again.

Wash huffed and flopped back down onto the bed, grimacing as the ghost of Felix’s hands taunted him, the ghost of Maine’s mouth biting his neck. He writhed in bed, frustrated and miserable.

He knew North was right. He couldn’t let himself spiral downward alone again. He needed someone, but he couldn’t stand the idea of even being around his friends right now.

He flipped angrily into his other side, rubbing the bruises on his neck to try and banish the phantom hands. Then he reached up and touched that same hand to his lips. The slightly swollen one didn’t really hurt, to be honest. It would be back to normal by the end of the day, maybe sooner. The real problem was being forced to relive all the memories associated with his own lips.

Maine’s sweeter kisses, back in middle school and freshman year. The butterflies in his stomach.

Maine’s biting, angry, possessive kisses later on, constantly claiming Wash as his. The denial he’d forced on himself, trying to convince himself that Maine just loved him that much.

And near the end, Maine didn’t bother kissing him. Just forced his cock past his lips and into his mouth, taking what he wanted. The way Wash had wanted to die, the acid in his throat and his stomach.

And now the nasty memory of Felix forcing his tongue into his mouth, the way Wash had been paralyzed and weak.

He turned his face into the pillow and curled his hand into a fist, banging it against the mattress.

Normally, all the bad memories would flood him and smash together to drive him crazy with misery.

But not this time. This time, something warm and light rose above all those awful feelings. He was vividly reminded of the first time Tucker had kissed him. All the other memories, the phantoms of other lips and other things in his mouth were driven away instantly, as his mind ran through all the times Tucker had kissed him after that first time. His lips involuntarily spread into a slow smile.

He pushed himself to sit up again, touching a hand to his lips again. The he turned and scrambled to grab his phone off the nightstand. At first he considered texting Tucker, but this was too important. He hit the call button and held the phone up to his ear.

Tucker turned to look at his phone whenever an 8 Bit version of ‘Criminal’ by Britney Spears began to fill the air. Church sighed heavily as Tucker scrambled over the counter in the bathroom to grab the phone and accept the call.

“Hey, babe,” He greeted, slightly breathless from the interesting form of gymnastics he’d just preformed.

“I’m not gonna convince you to go to the hospital and get that checked out, am I?” Church asked, earning an innocent smile and head shake from Tucker. He began to pack up the First Aid Kit and left the bathroom, giving Tucker some privacy.

“Hey, Tucker. Uh, good morning?” Washington didn’t know how to break the ice over the phone, ever. “I was wondering if I could ask you something.” He swallowed past a lump in his throat. He was suddenly afraid that Tucker would turn him down, and his attempt at opening up and not being alone would backfire. Maybe he hadn’t thought this through.

“Anything,” Tucker replied, slightly worried. He moved the phone from his left cheek to his right and sighed softly in relief at the lack of pressure on the bruise that was forming under the cut. He’s lucky that he’s not getting a black eye, to be quite honest.

Wash thought about trying to play it off as cool, but he decided that wasn’t necessary. 

“I was hoping you could come over and we could just chill? I guess? I mean-” He took a deep breathe as his voice got a little tight with emotion.

“I really need you.”

Tucker felt his breath leave him at the admission before a warm feeling took him over. He shouldn’t be this happy that Wash was feeling terrible enough to actually reach out, but he’d already covered accepting that he was a selfish bastard. He nodded before remembering that Wash couldn’t actually see him. “I’ll be right over.”

Wash felt the tension leave his shoulders.

“Thanks. I’ll see you soon.” He said, and hesitated before hanging up. Nothing left to say until he got there.

He set the phone down and laid back down, curling back into a fetal position and wrapping his arms around himself, closing his eyes and focusing on the fact that Tucker would be here soon, rather than the phantoms groping him.

It took Tucker seven minutes to walk (run) to Wash’s flat. It took him two minutes to debate knocking vs. barging in before deciding, you know, fuck it, his boyfriend needs him, and barging in. He ignored North and Carolina’s curious stares and crossed the room to knock on the door that he knew went to Wash’s bedroom. “Babe?”

Carolina stood, assuming that Tucker was here uninvited trying to do something stupid. But before she could do anything, Washington ripped open his bedroom door, and his face was full of happiness and desperation at the sight of Tucker, freezing Carolina in her tracks.

Wash practically threw his arms around Tucker, burying his face in the crook of his neck. Tucker was warm, and safe, and the ice cold hands gripping him melted away. HIs heart was pounding in his chest, and not entirely in a bad way.

Tucker sighed lovingly at the feel of Wash in his arms. He wrapped his arms around him and pressed a gentle kiss to Wash’s head. “I’ve got you,” He whispered, not sure who he was   
trying to comfort. He closed his eyes and stood with Wash.

Wash pulled away, ran a hand through his hair and grinned at Tucker. 

“I know you do. That’s why I called you. C'mon, lets commence operation never leave my bed forever and ever.” He grabbed Tucker’s hand and lead him inside, offering Carolina dn York a reassuring smile before he shut the door behind him. 

He turned towards Tucker, and reached to cup his jaw, studying his cheek. “What happened here? Are you alright?”

Tucker gave him a shaky smile and held Wash’s hand. “Don’t worry about me. How are you doing? And what’s this about never leaving your bed ever again?” He phrased the question in a way to make it sound like a dirty joke, but the concern was there.

Wash decided not to press the face issue. Tucker would tell him eventually, or he’d find out from someone else. He let his smile fade a little, and sat down on the edge of his bed.

“I’m not sure how to explain it,” He sighed. “It gets worse when I’m around people. That is, people other than you. I just can’t deal with anything, right now, I guess. All I really wanna do is lay in bed and cuddle with you and pretend the whole outside world isn’t a thing.”

Tucker sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around Wash. He leaned back and he was laying on the bed and Wash was laying on him. “You know I can never turn down cuddles. Especially with my favorite person in the world.’

Wash grinned down at him. He reached out and traced the line of his collarbone, lost in thought.

“Can I tell you something? Something I’ve never told anyone?”

Tucker blinked in surprise before nodding and smiling a bit. “I encourage it.”

Wash didn’t look at Tucker’s face, instead staring down at his shoulder, as if fascinated by his collarbone completely.

“After everything happened, after I got out of the hospital, it took a while but I healed up mostly, physically and mentally. I made a lot of progress, more than most people ever make after something like what happened to me happens to them. Mostly. I really was a lot better when I met you. I mean, I’m not perfect still, but I made amazing progress in a surprising time. But one thing wouldn’t change, wouldn’t get better, not even slightly. I still felt…tainted, I guess. Rotten and dirty and I felt like I was still covered in ugly bruises, even when I wasn’t. I felt like hands were still hurting me, holding me down. I felt heavy and dirty and I still do. And it never stopped or got any better no matter what. And I figured that I’d just have to live with it. I accepted it and did my best not to let it bother me all the time.” He shrugged. Then he glanced farther up, looking at Tucker’s face. He focused on his mouth, not his eyes.

“And then I met you. And it was still happening, it was. But then…you kissed me for the first time. And it was great. Nice, warm, fireworks, all of the usual lovey sovet stuff. But something else happened too. For like, the first time in what felt like ages, I didn’t feel so weighed down.” He finally looked up and made eye contact. He shrugged.

“When you touch me, when you kiss me, it’s like everything I said, all the hands and the weight and the dirty feeling just melts away. Sorry if that’s super cheesy.”

Tucker felt tears welling up behind his eyes. It was cheesy, cheesy as hell. But he’d been feeling like the only things he was capable of doing lately was hurting Wash but the way Wash said that…it made him feel like he’s done something right for once in his life. He smiled a bit up at Wash before leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to Wash’s lips. “I love you,” He whispered, emotion clogging his throat.

Wash nodded. He tried to say it back, but it still wouldn’t come out, and he didn’t have the energy to try and force it. He rolled to the side and snuggled closer to Tucker, then kissed him again.

“On a slightly less lovey dovey note, there’s something else I have to ask you. And I don’t want you to feel bad when I ask it, okay? I’m just asking a question, don’t jump to any conclusions about how I feel about your answer, alright?” He looked Tucker in the eyes, trying to make him understand how sincere Wash was.

Tucker swallowed thickly, something in Was’s words making him nervous. “Go ahead.”  
Wash reached out to trace his fingertips over Tucker’s arm. 

“Felix said something, and I was in too much shock to process it at first…but it’s starting to make sense now.”

Tucker looked at Wash worriedly. He brought up one hand to cradle Wash’s jaw, “What is it?”

“He…he told me to ‘be a good little boy and play along.’ And at the time I thought he was just being a creepy motherfucker, which worked, it was creepy as fuck. Like, who the fuck says something like that? But now I’m starting to get the bigger picture. You- you thought something else was happening, didn’t you?”

Tucker felt his breath leave his body. He lip down on his lower lip and turned away. “I–” He paused and tried to figure out how to word it. “I know that you wouldn’t I just…it was like I was…walking in on Felix again. And it was just…I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”

Wash just nodded. He had suspected as much. Just like he suspected how bad Tucker would feel. He needed to go about this in…a logical manner.

“You’re sorry for thinking that when you first came out? Or are you sorry for not rushing to defend my honor the second you saw us?” He asked.

“Both, Wash, I–” Tucker shook his head. “I should’ve known that you wouldn’t just…and with Felix of all people. I should’ve known that that bastard…and I should’ve helped you, I shouldn’t’ve just froze. God, I’m just really sorry.”

Wash nodded again. “Well, firstly, it isn’t your fault that your mind jumped to the worst conclusion when you’ve been hurt before. I would’ve done the same thing. It doesn’t make any sense to blame yourself for that, it really isn’t your fault. That’s what Felix wanted to happen. He waited till you where gone to make his move, so that when you walked out that door it would be like being slapped in the face with everything he ever did to you. He’s a sociopath.” Wash shrugged, and turned his head up towards the ceiling.

“As for the whole freezing and not coming to help me…”

Tucker worried his bottom lip as he prepared himself to be blamed, again.

“If you blame yourself for being too frozen in shock to realize what was happening, then by that logic, you must blame me for being too paralyzed in fear to stop him sooner.” Wash said, and then turned towards Tucker again with a worried expression, even though he knew Tucker didn’t. He was just playing his words out to make sure he could get through to Tucker.

“Right?”

“Of course I don’t blame you,” Tucker sighed. “Its…its not about me anyway.” He finished, looking anywhere but at Wash, Carolina’s words ringing through his skull. “I’m not the only one who blames me anyway,” He muttered quietly, not wanting Wash to hear, not not able to keep the words bottle up anymore.

Wash frowned.

“Point me in the direction of whoever blames you and I’ll knock them on their ass too. It wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t mine and anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what their fucking talking about.” He announced, angered at the realization that someone had added to Tucker’s misery. He took a deep breath.

“Babe, this is about you. Felix didn’t drop out of the sky just to shove his tongue down my throat and grope me. He wanted to hurt us both because he can’t stand the fact we make each other so happy. That’s not your fault, it’s not mine, it’s his. If we let ourselves blame ourselves and be miserable, then he wins. Do you know how I know we’re gonna be okay?”

“How?” Tucker asked, hope in his voice as he stared up at Wash.

“Because your here. Because I called you and you came, instead of locking myself in the bathroom and sitting under the hot shower all day.” He curled closer to Tucker, and kissed him on the neck.

“Because we’re together, talking about it, instead of letting ourselves spiral into misery and guilt we shouldn’t actually feel. Because true love conquers all, as they say.”

Tucker tightened His arms around Wash and pulled him closer. There were too many conflicting emotions, wrapping around his vocal cords and making it impossible for him to speak. He peppered Wash face–his forehead, nose, cheeks, chin, lips–with butterfly kisses, before the tears stinging his eyes threatened to escape. He rested his head in the crook of Wash’s shoulder and hid the tears. This wasn’t about him.

Wash sighed in contentment.

“You're my favorite person, too.”

“I love you,” Tucker muttered against Wash’s neck like an apology.

Wash said it back in his head and kissed any part of Tucker he could reach. The phantoms were like a distant dream, now.

“Have you eaten?” Tucker asked after a couple of minutes of laying together.  
Wash shook his head.

“No, not really.”

“You should eat, babe.” Tucker told him, gently flicking Wash’s shoulder.

Wash groaned and rolled his face into the pillows.

“Nevveeerr. Leavinnnggg. Beeeeedd.”

Tucker laughed and kissed Wash’s cheek. “I know I’m new to operation never leaving bed, but I feel like there are some issues with it. I think I have an idea though.”

“And what would that be?” Wash grumbled.

“I know it might be a bit mean,” Tucker started, “But I’m sure that North is feeling big brotherly enough to make you anything you’d want.”

Wash turned his head towards Tucker again.

“Pure genius.”

“You know how I do,” Tucker smiled at him. He let go of Wash with one hand whenever he felt his butt vibrating and threw his phone on the nightstand without looking at it. He wrapped his arm around Wash again and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Wash frowned. 

“Are you sure that’s not important?”

“Its probably just Tex or Church text yelling at me or Kai apologizing again,” Tucker muttered. “And besides, right now, nothing is more important than you.”

Wash frowned even more. He’d have to have a talk with Carolina. She could be beyond over protective and that tended to rub off on Tex. They had their reasons.

“It’s not her fault, I’ll call her later to assure her I’m all good. And Carolina…” He sighed, looking up towards the ceiling.

“York and North can be mother hens and South and Connie would back you up in a fight without a word, to the point of being overboard, but Carolina….she gets really weird whenever I’m in trouble. I think she blames herself a lot. I mean, as hard as she is on others, she’s a thousand times harder on herself. She blames herself for not realizing that Maine wasn’t exactly…perfectly gentlemen like towards me, I guess. She thinks she should have realized and stopped it before it got as bad as it did and she takes it upon herself to try and protect me from ever getting hurt again. If she said anything, don’t take it to heart. It’s not your fault. And I doubt, deep down, she really blames you. Whatever she says towards you, she’s really saying it to herself.” He shrugged with a sigh.

Tucker gave Wash a gentle smile, “Its all good. I’ve got a thick skin, remember? I know how Carolina is, she’d yell at anybody who so much as looked at me wrong for a year after the thing with Felix. Its nothing to worry about. I’d prefer they use me as a punching bag rather than someone who can’t handle it.” He smiled humorlessly at that, not meaning for the analogy to come out so…literal.

Wash felt his heart twist, and he turned to pull Tucker closer, touching their foreheads together.

“I’d prefer nobody be a punching bag, especially not you. You don’t deserve it. You know what you do deserve?”

Tucker felt his chest tighten as he took in Wash’s unwavering faith in him. “What’s that?” He whispered.

“Everything good I can ever possibly muster. Especially neck kiss that make you squirm and make your breathe all short. I like being able to do that to you.” He said, smirking. “I’ve never been so comfortable and safe with someone to find out where they’re sensitive and make them squirm. It’s nice.”

Tucker huff out a laugh, “I do love it whenever you make me squirm. You know that you deserve all of that, too, right? Being happy and comfortable and safe. Not feeling ghost touches or pain. Staying in bed all day cuddling.” He smiled and kissed Wash gently. He carefully worded his response, not letting Wash know how insecure he felt. Not letting Wash see how much he felt like he was hurting him. He was selfish, he knew it, but he felt like if it took Wash that much longer to figure out how terrible Tucker was for him, he just might want to stay anyway.

You deserve not to be targeted because of me, he thought to himself quietly.

Wash smiled warmly.

“And nobody gives that to me like you do. You should totally yell at North to make us food.”  
Tucker felt his heart grow three times bigger as his stomach filled with guilt. He put his hands over Wash’s ear so that the yelling wouldn’t be too loud and kissed Wash’s nose before shouting North’s name.

The man popped his head in the door with a concerned expression. Wash propped himself up on his elbow and smiled at him.

“You should totally make us some macaroni and cheese or something. I’d love you forever.” Wash said.

North rolled his eyes. “Like you wouldn’t already.” Before nodding and shutting the door behind him.

He headed towards the kitchen, smiling to himself. Wash finally wasn’t alone. Pigs must have flown.

Tucker smiled at Wash and kissed him, moving his hands away from Wash’s ears to wrap around his middle again. “Is it selfish that I’m really glad you called me?”

Wash shrugged. “No more than it was for me to call you. You need to be needed and I need someone who’ll be there for me when I need them, someone that I’m never ever afraid will hurt me. Match made in heaven, man.”

Tucker grinned and laughed. “And you said that you’re not sappy as fuck.”  
Wash pouted. “I can be melodramatic if I wish.”

Tucker smiled and kissed Wash, “Trust me, I know. I love it.”

“So, how’s Junior?” He asked, breathing in the smell of fresh laundry and Tucker.

Tucker grinned at the mention of his brother and launched into a story about how excited Junior was for his new classes this semester and how he was staying at Flowers’ at the mo (he didn’t mention his MIA mother).

“He’s such a great kid. I hope he’s forgiven me for the trip.” Wash chuckled and shook his head.

“Babe, the ability to see right through my bullshit runs through your family. Your uncle must be fucking psychic or some shit/ it was insane. My favorite family besides my own, for sure. Maybe someday the empath gene will rub off on me.”

Tucker grinned, “Mike has always been like that. He was in the Marines in his golden years and then recruited to the State department to interrogate the US’s enemies. He’s learned every tell in the book and the only reason Junior and I can do it is because we either had to learn or we’d tend to he in trouble. You’ll catch on, I promise.”

“I look forward to it.”

Wash felt strangely content, his mind wasn’t raging and fighting and the sunlight filtering through his curtain painted chunks of light on Tucker’s beautiful dark skin. He reached out and ran a single finger over the edge of his face, tracing the curve of his cheekbone.

“You’ve got to be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He whispered, mostly to himself.

“I–” He felt his breath hitch in his throat, a warm and tingling feeling under his skin. He bit the inside of his lip and searched for any tells. Finding none, he leaned up and kissed Wash slowly, not quite ready to actually accept the compliment.

**Author's Note:**

> playlists:  
> plot: http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/twenty-questions  
> wash: http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/cracks-in-the-mirror  
> tucker: http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/the-strongest-hearts-are-the-heaviest  
> felix: http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/please-don-t-stay-in-touch  
> maine:  
> http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/f-u-r-y  
> sad:  
> http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/i-found-you-lost-with-a-compass-in-the-fog  
> locus:  
> http://8tracks.com/snorkletuckington/enjoy-the-abuse
> 
> wash: destielswingsmyheartacrosstheline  
> tucker: sarcastissa


End file.
